Angie, Nancy, Joan ‘n Me

Angie Nancy JoanToday was my employer’s annual volunteer appreciation luncheon. I work closely with our many volunteers, and enjoy this event each year.  So, this morning, I took extra time to look all cute and everything; very professional dress and blazer, pumps and “flipped” hair.  Five of the older-than-average folks (i.e., volunteers average age 81) got into an argument over who they thought I looked like with my flip-do.  I cannot make this stuff up, kids.

For the sake of my anonymity, let’s just call me ‘Mary’, as in, Mary Tyler Moore, who also had a flip, when she lived with Dick Van Patten – you remember –  when they were in “Eight is Enough” on TV?  Which was right after they starred in  ”Mary Poppins”.  Or was she in that “Airport” movie with Van Heflin? (If you don’t know who these people are, hang-up now).

Vol.1   “I think Mary looks like a Kennedy”
Vol.2   “Really?  No.  She looks like Angie Dickenson – when she was married to Burt Bacharach”
Vol.3   “When was Mary married to Burt Bacharach?”
Vol 2   “NOT MARY! Angie!”
Vol.4   “What about Mary?”
Vol.2   “We were just saying that Mary looks like Burt Bacharach”
Vol.3   “I thought he had short hair.”
Vol.2   “No!  We thought she looked like Angie Dickenson.”
Vol.4   “She wasn’t married to Burt. That was Nancy Sinatra”
Vol.5 (walks up mid-statement)   “That’s who I was thinking of!  Mary reminds me of Nancy Sinatra!”
Vol.4    ”Wasn’t she married to a Kennedy?”
Vol.2   “You’re thinking of Joan, the drunk.  Married to the one who drowned that girl in the car.”
Vol.5   “I don’t think Mary would appreciate being called “a drunk.”
Vol.1   “We didn’t – we said Joan Sinatra was a drunk.”
Another day in my little Indentured Mom paradise.

MaB is Going on an Adventure!

Time for a little "me" time!

Long time, no write!  That’s about to change, though, as I am departing Wednesday on a sojourn to find my Mid-Life Self.  I will be writing about my observations on this special adventure, and you can find my posts on the page “Mom’s Great Escape: Life on the Rails.”  You’ll find the page on the black banner on the home page of this blog (above).  Just click on the page and you can read the introduction, and you will also see a pull-down menu of entries.

I encourage you to subscribe to this blog, as I will notify subscribers when I create an entry.  You can always unsubscribe whenever you like.  This adventure should provide great fodder for the keyboard.  I hope you’ll enjoy my observations and musings.

MaB

 

The Ultimate Family Vacation

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Your last communication from me featured me whining and complaining about my husband’s thrifty travel arrangements to Rome.  You learned about his efforts to save us money on our Trip of a Lifetime:  a Mediterranean cruise, complemented by brief stays in Rome and Florence.  Well, we made it there, did it all, and came home; but that summation would not do our adventure justice.

As I predicted, with so many layovers on the way to Rome, our two checked bags went astray.  Being The Smart One, I required all three of us to carry over-the-shoulder carry-ons filled with essentials:  underwear, teenie toothpaste tubes, one pair of extra pants, and a supply of tops.  Thus, we were able to do Rome for two days comfortably, despite my ever-growing panic that our bags would not make it to us before the ship sailed on the third day.  They did, though, and off we sailed!

I don’t want to bore you with a full narrative, but let me give you the rapid version.  Ready?

Statues, Greeks, Romans,Gods, Acropolis, Parthenon, Pantheon, Sistine, St. Peter’s, Dead popes, Tombs, Colosseum, Hypogeum, Roman Forum, Ancient toilets, Ancient libraries, Ancient cities, Christianity, Emperors, Slaves, Virgin Mary, Ephesus, Turkish rugs, Aegean Sea, Ionian Sea, Taormina & Mt. Etna, pizza, cobblestones, penises, Circux Maximus, Minotaur, another volcano, Zeus, Athena, Apollo, Aphrodite, euros, taxis, street vendors, crypts, fountains, Cute Guys, big boobs, Speedos on old men, thong bikinis on old women, no tops on old women at beaches, daquiris, blue skies, heat, sun and long flights.

A great time was had by all!

 

MacGyver Moms

She can do anything

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Are you a MacGyver Mom?  Are you one of those amazing moms who can create a meal out of maple syrup, raisins, flour and cayenne pepper?  Can you craft a hand-puppet from thread, a piece of string, a sock and a crayon?  If you are, my hat is off to you.  I tried. I really tried.

 

 

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Henny Youngman’s Wife

The King of One-Liners

If you are asking Who the heck is Henny Youngman? then stop reading now and Google one of the greatest comic geniuses of all time.  Henny was the King of the One-Liners and Rim Shots (you know: “ba-dum-BUM!”).  Anyhoo, I was just sitting here, in the family room, vacantly staring into the kitchen at the stove.  I was musing about how long it has been since I actually used it, I mean, other than to roast marshmallows.

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Gin & Tonics On The Roof

Stellas Roof

Ok, so last weekend, Beleaguered Husband and I went to an early movie and dinner – I guess you could call it a date.  Barbie was over at the BF’s house (that’s “boyfriend” in thumb-talk) watching some violent movie with friends. So my Better Half and I stole a moment.  The movie was wonderful, the evening was perfect:  low 80′s, sunny skies, lite breeze – what else could one do after the movie but dine al fresco at a romantic rooftop pub. Continue reading

Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?

THE BLUE JEAN CONSPIRACY.

Flab

Ok, let’s get this out in the open.  I have big thighs.  And a muffin top.  And butt flub.  (And you don’t…yea, right).  It all happened so fast that even Alice, having tumbled in the rabbit hole, drinking her size-changing potions couldn’t keep up with my rapid change in body size.  One summer I was a cute, perky size 6, sporting low-ride jeans and body-hugging tops.  Next, winter comes along with hot flashes.  When I awoke from my long winter’s night, I discovered in the spring that I had grown in 3D.  Yee gads.  Oh well, I could live with a size 8 and a bit of a muffin top.  Had a great summer, still lookin’ cute (for a woman of my age).  Another winter, another spring:  lo!  The size 6′s and 8′s went to the Goodwill and the 10′s were purchased.  My doctor assured me that this “menopause plump”  was here to stay as a result of a metabolism that had slowed to the speed of an hour-hand.  Worse, even though I had been eating better, he gave me the news: exercise would have to be under the guidance of a per$onal trainer who specializes in “po$t-menopau$al” weight gain.  Hmmm, me thinks the per$onal trainer’s wallet is gaining post-menopausal weight.  Well, this is one chica that does not have four figures to spend on someone named “Krissie-with-a-K” to get my one figure to look better.  Maybe it’s time to just face reality.  I’ll have to camouflage the flub, which has blossomed into a size 12. Continue reading

Lock Up Your Young ‘Uns: She’s Back!

clapping applauseIndentured Mom is Back!

Hooray! I get to return to you!  It’s a long story involving land treaties, intellectual property rights, negotiations, kicking, screaming and professional pouting.  In the end, I WIN.  (Well, actually, I won because they …and they know who they are…needed clean underwear and food.)  The ice that settled over the manse is thawing.  Lesson learned:  don’t mess with the Indentured Mom.

 

Australian Cheerleading Squad

In all seriousness, I want to thank those of you…and you know who you are…for your extremely supportive and kind messages. It was deeply gratifying to learn how much you looked forward to the postings, and found humor in them.  Just recently, I had a delightful visit with a good friend, who talked about where she finds joy in her life.  I thought about that and realized that I find a great sense of release, joy and fulfillment when I hit the “publish” button on Simple Scripts web page.  So I don’t know who is reading out there, but do feel free to give me your own thoughts (maybe for me to publish under whatever name you give me!) or your feedback at my e-mail:  indenturedmom@gmail.com